I can't say whether or not I am working towards my leadership style, but I can definitely say that I am working on who I am. I am not sure if figuring out who I am makes me a better leader, but to me a better leader it is important to know I am. This semester has been a rough one, but through it all, I am learning many things about many different things.
One of the moments that are sticking out as I think about this is friendships and the role it has played in my life. Being a part of a clique makes things harder and makes it harder to get to know other people. Due to the break up of a strong friendship, it has led me to interact and socialize with people that I otherwise would not have. As a leader, it is important to be open to associating with different types of people. Actually, I am grateful that I was able to become Tamasia instead of a member of some 'clique.' It's important to be able to become a person, stand along, and be an individual, especially if one wants to be a leader.
Specifically, when it comes to my leadership style - It is hard to say which leadership style is MY leadership style. Simply put, and I can't remember which book said this, but it is hard to have one leadership style. One has to be able to adapt and flip flop depending on the situation at hand. So, I guess I am working on my leadership style by being able to adapt and know how to take charge and make progress by looking at what needs to be handled.
Personally speaking, and like Madsen's book, things that take place in one's childhood or life- add to their leadership potential. With the many downfalls that has taken place within the past few months, I have learned to remain optimistic and believe that things will work out how they should be, plus being able to cope and sustain through the hard times makes one able to be a strong leader. Simply put, I am working on my leadership style by dealing with the discrepancies that are tossed my way.
Being a leader means a lot... but one has to have the personality to go along with it. The personality has to be many qualities; too many to name in fact. It's hard to think about what I am doing to work on my leadership style because although I am a leader and capable of taking initiative and making change, most times I do not consider myself a leader. Having taken this class, I have learned a lot and was enriched greatly.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Monday, April 6, 2009
Tamasia J. to the rescue!
One night, I was hanging out with one of my guy friends. He's a really cool guy. He makes me laugh, he's really sweet and for the most part, he does all the right things.. some of the time. We're hanging in his dorm, talking and laughing like we always do and he gets a phone call. It was weird because his phone was flipped over and on silent and somehow I saw it lighting up. I tell him is phone was ringing. He answers and from that point on it was not good.
As he is on the phone listening to whomever he is talking to, his tone does not sound good. I'm listening and hoping that it's not what I was thinking it was. Unfortunately, it was. A man who has had a strong impact on his life has suddenly died an awful death. Now, at first I didn't know this and I also did not know what to do, because for the most part, we are fairly new in each others' lives. People respond differently and need different things when they are hurt or angry or even happy. Honestly, I did not know what to do. All I could do was what I would have wanted if that would have happened to someone close to me. Oh man, I would be devastated.
When he began to cry, I knew it was something major. Still a little unsure, I took him my arms and told him if he needed to talk I was all ears. He began to cry on me and it was so sad and cute at the same time. After a while, he began to talk. I never said anything. All I did was listen. I still did not know what to do. Something like this has never happened to me before. I continued to hold him and if he began to cry harder, I would hold him tighter just to show that I was there. I was.
For the next couple of days, I checked on him here and there. I did not want to smother him. I mean, this person is something like a stranger. I did want him to know that I cared because I sincerely did.
As he is on the phone listening to whomever he is talking to, his tone does not sound good. I'm listening and hoping that it's not what I was thinking it was. Unfortunately, it was. A man who has had a strong impact on his life has suddenly died an awful death. Now, at first I didn't know this and I also did not know what to do, because for the most part, we are fairly new in each others' lives. People respond differently and need different things when they are hurt or angry or even happy. Honestly, I did not know what to do. All I could do was what I would have wanted if that would have happened to someone close to me. Oh man, I would be devastated.
When he began to cry, I knew it was something major. Still a little unsure, I took him my arms and told him if he needed to talk I was all ears. He began to cry on me and it was so sad and cute at the same time. After a while, he began to talk. I never said anything. All I did was listen. I still did not know what to do. Something like this has never happened to me before. I continued to hold him and if he began to cry harder, I would hold him tighter just to show that I was there. I was.
For the next couple of days, I checked on him here and there. I did not want to smother him. I mean, this person is something like a stranger. I did want him to know that I cared because I sincerely did.
Now that I think about it, I am glad I was there because I was not going to go and hang out with him that night. It’s weird the way things work out.
What would I do differently? Nothing. I think I handled the situation quite well. The entire time, I was thinking about my favorite person. If she was to suddenly not be in my life, I would go crazy. Even though her and I do not communicate all the time, just knowing that I CAN makes me smile. It would be difficult knowing that I could not call her for whatever reason, especially when she has been there for me through the tough times the last couple of years. I don't know, life is tough sometimes. One just has to be able to take the ball that's thrown at them and run with it.
I wonder, did I run? Or did I drop the ball?
TJ.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Words of the Wise - Advise to young women
Honestly, I wish I had someone to have tole me (warned me, actually) about many things. Everyone's lifestyle is different which means that 'advice' will differ. I find myself to be pretty well-rounded - and would say that I am capable of giving advice to any young woman in need.
Off the top of my head, what advice would I give to a young woman?
Lets see...
First, and foremost, I would have to advise them to follow their hearts. I have found that in life, one has to done what makes them happy. We only live once. Even if that thing that once made you happy, no longer does - that's okay because from that experience one will learn something. In life, the only way to learn something is though making a mistake and falling on your face.
Secondly, GO TO THE GYM! LOL. No, but seriously, I would advise a young woman to find the one thing that can just take them away and do that a couple nights a week to end their night or start their day. For me, it's going to the gym. It is important to have that one thing that makes me feel complete leaving me in a place where I am not worrying about what needs to be paid or completed, how many chapters I have to read or who I have to email and all the other crazy things that go on inside of a college students' head. The good thing for me, it's going to the gym. That's two in one!
Thirdly, WRITE THINGS DOWN! Writing things down will keep one from going insane! Write things down and finding the one thing that takes them away and they are on their way to sanity! When I write things down, it keeps me on track and that way I do not forget about anything that needs to get done. It also helps me better manage my time. Knowing that I have 5 things to do in 2 hours - makes me think like okay, which is more important? what can wait? Stuff like that. Trust me! It helps! I told my roommate to do it, and it really helped her out!
Fourth... lets see... Do not be afraid to fail or look stupid or make a mistake or be challenged. As I have said earlier, those are the moments you will treasure most because you will learn SO much about yourself. You never know what may be the result of the challenge. Something you thought was so hard maybe become a passion, who knows. The only thing you can do is TRY.
Looks like my advice is running short... but, here's a few quick ones.
TJ.
Off the top of my head, what advice would I give to a young woman?
Lets see...
First, and foremost, I would have to advise them to follow their hearts. I have found that in life, one has to done what makes them happy. We only live once. Even if that thing that once made you happy, no longer does - that's okay because from that experience one will learn something. In life, the only way to learn something is though making a mistake and falling on your face.
Secondly, GO TO THE GYM! LOL. No, but seriously, I would advise a young woman to find the one thing that can just take them away and do that a couple nights a week to end their night or start their day. For me, it's going to the gym. It is important to have that one thing that makes me feel complete leaving me in a place where I am not worrying about what needs to be paid or completed, how many chapters I have to read or who I have to email and all the other crazy things that go on inside of a college students' head. The good thing for me, it's going to the gym. That's two in one!
Thirdly, WRITE THINGS DOWN! Writing things down will keep one from going insane! Write things down and finding the one thing that takes them away and they are on their way to sanity! When I write things down, it keeps me on track and that way I do not forget about anything that needs to get done. It also helps me better manage my time. Knowing that I have 5 things to do in 2 hours - makes me think like okay, which is more important? what can wait? Stuff like that. Trust me! It helps! I told my roommate to do it, and it really helped her out!
Fourth... lets see... Do not be afraid to fail or look stupid or make a mistake or be challenged. As I have said earlier, those are the moments you will treasure most because you will learn SO much about yourself. You never know what may be the result of the challenge. Something you thought was so hard maybe become a passion, who knows. The only thing you can do is TRY.
Looks like my advice is running short... but, here's a few quick ones.
- Remember, it's your life, live for you. You can't possibly please everyone! You'll go crazy.
- DO NOT SETTLE!!!! If in your heart (advice #1) you believe you can obtain more, go for it! Just because someone tells you you cannot does not that you do not. That would be silly
- Read between the lines. People are not always trustworthy (at least in my life they haven't been) so you have to see what people want you to see and pay attention to detail. For me, this has saved me from a lot of heart ache. All I did was PAY ATTENTION!
- Don't be afraid to say no.
TJ.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
My First Spring Break
When students plan for Spring Break, they think about having a good time probably getting drunk and partying until they cannot party anymore. But me, I spent my Spring Break learning valuable lessons.
Although I spent time with people I care about, most of them (family, not friends) irritated the crap out of me. But, after reflecting without being angry because of a dispute, I realized numerous things:
Even though I was HIGHLY upset, I valued what was told to me. At the end of the day, I will be a much stronger individual. Due to the lack of assistance, I will also be better able to take care of myself because I have been on my own for so long.
Although I do not have my "parents," I do have many other people I can depend on. They are the people who keep me together making sure I am okay and alive - for that matter - Everyone needs someone and cannot obviously not make in this tough world alone. The hard part is figuring out who should be in the circle and who should be kicked out. Through this, I also learned what the true meaning of family is. For me, it sucks and even though it sucks, I am STILL so optimistic. I do not understand how or why, but I am glad I am. Family, no matter what - no matter what - is supposed to have your back. It hurts, well not so much any more - but it used to because I do the right thing, all the time. I have also come to find that people who (this may seem insensitive) do not deserve to have always have. I do not deserve to have my parents treat me the way they do. Especially when I have accomplished so much.
It amazes me how I still keep on smiling. I guess that's life.
TJ.
Although I spent time with people I care about, most of them (family, not friends) irritated the crap out of me. But, after reflecting without being angry because of a dispute, I realized numerous things:
- Although people may have your best interest at heart, they do not know what you need. Even though they think do.
- You cannot ask something of someone when they are not knowledgeable of what you are asking for.
- In the eyes of my parents, I am now an adult and therefore cannot seek their assistance.. whether for support or financially..
Even though I was HIGHLY upset, I valued what was told to me. At the end of the day, I will be a much stronger individual. Due to the lack of assistance, I will also be better able to take care of myself because I have been on my own for so long.
Although I do not have my "parents," I do have many other people I can depend on. They are the people who keep me together making sure I am okay and alive - for that matter - Everyone needs someone and cannot obviously not make in this tough world alone. The hard part is figuring out who should be in the circle and who should be kicked out. Through this, I also learned what the true meaning of family is. For me, it sucks and even though it sucks, I am STILL so optimistic. I do not understand how or why, but I am glad I am. Family, no matter what - no matter what - is supposed to have your back. It hurts, well not so much any more - but it used to because I do the right thing, all the time. I have also come to find that people who (this may seem insensitive) do not deserve to have always have. I do not deserve to have my parents treat me the way they do. Especially when I have accomplished so much.
It amazes me how I still keep on smiling. I guess that's life.
TJ.
Tamasia J and Leadership
What makes me a productive leader? What can still be improved?
Thinking about this question, it makes me think about when I began to start a step club at Chatham. One of my positive qualities is being able to take an idea, make it a reality and have people excited about it. At the same time, there were many other people who were against starting a step club at Chatham, because they just thought it was not possible. Little did they know, it is not possible because I would be told no, or because people do not want to do it, it is because of conflicting schedules... so HA!
Anyway, this was a challenge for me. As much as I LOVED {not so much anymore, thanks Chatham (just kidding)} stepping, I was excited and passionate about stepping. When a leader is passionate about something, it shows and it makes it easier to inspire a shared vision (see, I pay attention). After being oh-so-very-passionate and patient, the step club was finally approved! Sounds good, right? Well, the hard part began.
There were conflicting schedules, lack of commitment, lack of enthusiasm... just a lack in many areas. What was I to do? KEEP TRYING! I am productive because I kept trying. I made changes to practice dates, practice times, even practice locations just to keep the energy flowing between the steppers and myself.
In short, I am productive because I do not settle for one way. If it does not work, I do not give up. I also am not a dictator. I ask everyone what they want, so they can have some input. I also try to lead with a smile on my face, even though sometimes I do not feel like smiling.
Some things I need to work on -this is what I always say- slowing down when I speak. When I get excited about something, it just comes out WAY TOO FAST! That doesn't really qualify as leadership, but effectively communicating is majorly important. But, so far it has not come in the way. There are moments when I can just tell when the words are going to come out jumbled and I figure out a different way to say it. So, I am working on it!
Thinking about this question, it makes me think about when I began to start a step club at Chatham. One of my positive qualities is being able to take an idea, make it a reality and have people excited about it. At the same time, there were many other people who were against starting a step club at Chatham, because they just thought it was not possible. Little did they know, it is not possible because I would be told no, or because people do not want to do it, it is because of conflicting schedules... so HA!
Anyway, this was a challenge for me. As much as I LOVED {not so much anymore, thanks Chatham (just kidding)} stepping, I was excited and passionate about stepping. When a leader is passionate about something, it shows and it makes it easier to inspire a shared vision (see, I pay attention). After being oh-so-very-passionate and patient, the step club was finally approved! Sounds good, right? Well, the hard part began.
There were conflicting schedules, lack of commitment, lack of enthusiasm... just a lack in many areas. What was I to do? KEEP TRYING! I am productive because I kept trying. I made changes to practice dates, practice times, even practice locations just to keep the energy flowing between the steppers and myself.
In short, I am productive because I do not settle for one way. If it does not work, I do not give up. I also am not a dictator. I ask everyone what they want, so they can have some input. I also try to lead with a smile on my face, even though sometimes I do not feel like smiling.
Some things I need to work on -this is what I always say- slowing down when I speak. When I get excited about something, it just comes out WAY TOO FAST! That doesn't really qualify as leadership, but effectively communicating is majorly important. But, so far it has not come in the way. There are moments when I can just tell when the words are going to come out jumbled and I figure out a different way to say it. So, I am working on it!
Monday, March 2, 2009
Thoughts about Madsen
As I am reading the book, the thought that always pop into my head is what exactly does a President of a university do? I am aware that is of the book but it is something bothers me, especially since I attend a university.
On a side note, reading the book and talking about it in class brings it into perspective. When I am reading, I do think about connections with the Presidents and myself, but it's totally different reading it alone then talking about it with other people. Especially because for some reason I do not like the book. I makes good points and may very well be true, but when it comes to leadership, everyone develops differently and therefore learns differently. Everyone also does not share the same experiences, have the same family background and support as these university women. With that, that doesn't mean that anyone else is more or less capable of being a university President.
At the same time, it is very important to think about women in a larger picture. I have never thought about myself as less than in the same room as a man. Maybe my time is coming, but I have always (tried to at least) strive as high as possible regardless if the competition is a male. I also feel like being an African American and the notions associated with being one, is stronger than and in a sense is added to being a woman. I am a woman of color. But that does not stop me. I guess, in a sense, I am like those university Presidents because they had the drive to continue and not stop no matter what just like me.
Hey, you never know. I may end up being a university President some day!
On a side note, reading the book and talking about it in class brings it into perspective. When I am reading, I do think about connections with the Presidents and myself, but it's totally different reading it alone then talking about it with other people. Especially because for some reason I do not like the book. I makes good points and may very well be true, but when it comes to leadership, everyone develops differently and therefore learns differently. Everyone also does not share the same experiences, have the same family background and support as these university women. With that, that doesn't mean that anyone else is more or less capable of being a university President.
At the same time, it is very important to think about women in a larger picture. I have never thought about myself as less than in the same room as a man. Maybe my time is coming, but I have always (tried to at least) strive as high as possible regardless if the competition is a male. I also feel like being an African American and the notions associated with being one, is stronger than and in a sense is added to being a woman. I am a woman of color. But that does not stop me. I guess, in a sense, I am like those university Presidents because they had the drive to continue and not stop no matter what just like me.
Hey, you never know. I may end up being a university President some day!
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Everything Happens for a REASON!
Life is tough. I bet you would all agree that there was a time where you just could not believe that it was happening to you.. probably again. That's how I feel all the time. But, guess what? I have come to a conclusion that EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON!
People are hurt for a reason, people are stranded for a reason, people fall for a reason, people are mean for a reason, happy for a reason, fat for a reason (they just couldn't say no, lol) and the list can continue. These things happen because we are supposed to learn from them.
This makes me think about a movie called Pleasantville. Anyone ever saw it? If no, it was a movie that pretty much was set in a time period (i forget which one) where everything was easy, simple, non-emotional and painless. There was only one road, one color (gray) one emotion (happy).. and things in that nature. No one felt anything. They did not even have books! It was insane. Throughout the movie, a brother and sister came and changed it up and their world was never the same. They had a fire for the first time, sex for the first time, missed a basketball shot (yup, it was that insane) and all because it NEEDED to happen.
Things NEED to happen! If they didn't, how will be ever learn. How will we fail? I mean, failure is the root to all success! At times, sure, it does hurt, but in the long run.. years from now.. one will think back and say 'Hey, I'm glad that happened to me! (SIKE!, just kidding).
There have been plenty of things that have happened to me and I am still the most optismtic person one can ever meet. In fact, you would never even think some of things that have happened to me... It's great because I did not let it over power me and keep me from excelling. It's a great thing! Being able to remain strong and on your own two feet. (I know I am rambling, but SO WHAT!)
But, all in all... things happen for a reason.. SO don't cry over spilled milk!
See ya!
People are hurt for a reason, people are stranded for a reason, people fall for a reason, people are mean for a reason, happy for a reason, fat for a reason (they just couldn't say no, lol) and the list can continue. These things happen because we are supposed to learn from them.
This makes me think about a movie called Pleasantville. Anyone ever saw it? If no, it was a movie that pretty much was set in a time period (i forget which one) where everything was easy, simple, non-emotional and painless. There was only one road, one color (gray) one emotion (happy).. and things in that nature. No one felt anything. They did not even have books! It was insane. Throughout the movie, a brother and sister came and changed it up and their world was never the same. They had a fire for the first time, sex for the first time, missed a basketball shot (yup, it was that insane) and all because it NEEDED to happen.
Things NEED to happen! If they didn't, how will be ever learn. How will we fail? I mean, failure is the root to all success! At times, sure, it does hurt, but in the long run.. years from now.. one will think back and say 'Hey, I'm glad that happened to me! (SIKE!, just kidding).
There have been plenty of things that have happened to me and I am still the most optismtic person one can ever meet. In fact, you would never even think some of things that have happened to me... It's great because I did not let it over power me and keep me from excelling. It's a great thing! Being able to remain strong and on your own two feet. (I know I am rambling, but SO WHAT!)
But, all in all... things happen for a reason.. SO don't cry over spilled milk!
See ya!
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